I find myself at the point in which i have lost all sense of self... Now i just take the most convenient form for the moment of which I'm in. It seems i have lost the ability to return to my normal self. Seeing as i forgot who i am.
My heart is broken, my soul is missing, and my mind is twisted. I love my girl but... i don't at the same time. No. I do love her, but im starting to doubt if i'm strong enough to stay with her. Maybe its not about my strength, but wether the relationship is good for me. I won't lie i have been depressed in the recent months. However it isnt her fault, its mine.
I tried so hard to make myself the perfect guy for her. By doing that i changed how i think. I fear that i may not be able to find myself anymore if i were to ever be seperated from her. What hurts the most though is i can't hurt her. So even though im not happy in the relationship i love her too much to hurt her.
It is not possible for me to do that again. I already hurt others whom i loved. Slowly their memories ate at my soul, till it no longer exist. My heart is breaking while i say these things about the girl i love, and my mind is twisted and cannot be fixed...
I'm a mess.
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