Friend

^-^ Well today i have found a little hope. Since i have found something in you that you may have long forgotten or rather discarded... love. Its not profund i mean it'll be a while before your heart fully heals, but i saw the chance that you could be happy again, that is my hope anyway.

I can't stand to see you in the state your in. Its difficult to imagine you ever having a easy life, since you have hardships. You know that no matter what size problems people have if left alone, and allowed to grow they only grow worst. If i can just make you a small bit happier day by day thats fine. Untill the day when you can enjoy your life without a mask, with no barriers, just your smile.

So even if it is too late for this chapter of your life i hope one day you'll find happiness. If ever you need help just send me a text, call, comment, im, anything you want. I'll be here. Please don't let yourself be controlled by this sadness. I hope you will find your "love", one you can believe in.

Coward

HOLY SH*T!!! I just got the news that North Korea may be targeting Hawai'i to test their latest nuclear missles... So i get the general concsense that I should'nt worry about it because they would be crazy to do it, problem is they might be crazy. I mean yea we can annilahate them, but a nuke would KILL ALL OF US.

Really do you know how much pain and suffering a nuke can cause. The lucky ones would be inncinerated instantly. Everyone else will burn slowly, ur skin will literally melt off, eyeballs would boild; and your mouth could even be melted together. Not to mention even if not in the blast radius the debris can still radiate and kill, the enviroment and all its people.

So I may be over concerned but dam i do not want to underestimate the pure destructive force of a nuclear bomb.

Good bye

Today is the last day of a long lasting friendship. It's sad that it has to be this way, and i really hoped to work it out. However at the moment the plot is too thick and needs time to settle. One day hopefully things can return, in some form. Since it's never been normal i cant say return to normal... but one day i hope to regain your trust =).

I didn't want to do it but i know that it will be easier for her. I made the descision that would have hurt her too much to do. But, i dont want her to think i did it for the wrong reasons. Just want for her to be happy. If that means i remove myself from the picture, so be it.

So this is my last farewell. Till we meet again, know ill always be here when the time comes when we can be friends again. Good bye

Foolish Heart

I know for sure that my heart is not able to chose what will bring me happiness. Everything i have can make me happy to some extent. The only thing is what will i give up if i pick one thing over another. Will i be less happy? Or maybe ill lose something i wanted to keep. It is never that simple. Nothing is ever gonna go as planned.

That's what is great about life, the twist and turns. However i don't want to end up hurting anyone by the choices i make, and the ones that are made for me. Sometimes its not about me or anyone but rather the events that bring us together, or tear us apart. These events may be planned or just happen. Any way it happens, and we have to deal with it.

So my heart has decided that i cannot let go of everything yet. I still need to be sure that it won't work. It is to early to toss away a good thing. My heart may be unable to think well, and confuses my brain to every extent. But i still trust it. Those are my genuine feelings, and sometimes you just have to trust your heart.

I'll find my way. Along the way i hope to find the people who would join this journey of adolescence with me. This summer, its time to mend bonds that have been neglected for too long.
It is time for a change, for better or for worst and no matter what ill follow the path that has been chosen.

Idiot...

OK... um... I'm confused now. I was depressed. Now I'm not, and feel dumb for feeling depressed...
sooooo... i don't think this is normal.
LoL...

well. I have a strange reason of countering what i say right after i write it. Maybe I'm letting myself get too involved with these petty issues. Since i am happy. Just I'm not normal, i think.
It doesn't make sense to me anymore. I want someone to know i was depressed. Yet i don't think i am? Am I?
If i label them petty though they'll grow again and I'll be sad. Doesn't make sense anymore. It is never simple is it?

Tomorrow I'll probably be happy. Have some problems with my two test, spend time with my girl, be happy and annoyed. Or maybe we'll just have fun. I don't know. I know ill talk with my friends. Play in band class in preparation for grad... But none of that would make me sad.

I make myself sad. Yet i cheer myself up too...

I need to know if this is normal... or if i need help.

Shapeshifter

I find myself at the point in which i have lost all sense of self... Now i just take the most convenient form for the moment of which I'm in. It seems i have lost the ability to return to my normal self. Seeing as i forgot who i am.

My heart is broken, my soul is missing, and my mind is twisted. I love my girl but... i don't at the same time. No. I do love her, but im starting to doubt if i'm strong enough to stay with her. Maybe its not about my strength, but wether the relationship is good for me. I won't lie i have been depressed in the recent months. However it isnt her fault, its mine.

I tried so hard to make myself the perfect guy for her. By doing that i changed how i think. I fear that i may not be able to find myself anymore if i were to ever be seperated from her. What hurts the most though is i can't hurt her. So even though im not happy in the relationship i love her too much to hurt her.

It is not possible for me to do that again. I already hurt others whom i loved. Slowly their memories ate at my soul, till it no longer exist. My heart is breaking while i say these things about the girl i love, and my mind is twisted and cannot be fixed...

I'm a mess.

Struggle

Man i have weird mood swings... well its not really a mood swing more like i keep things in way to long. It shouldn't be that way, but i am jus an idiot sometimes. >.> well its something i have to work on ^-^

Feel better now, happy again lol >.<
yes i change moods very fast. Then again i had a counselor.