Man i have weird mood swings... well its not really a mood swing more like i keep things in way to long. It shouldn't be that way, but i am jus an idiot sometimes. >.> well its something i have to work on ^-^
Feel better now, happy again lol >.<
yes i change moods very fast. Then again i had a counselor.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Internal Pessimist
The stress from the group project has caused me to retract into myself and find everything i believe is wrong with me. Of course as a psychologist i know this is a normal response. However i tend to keep everything inside until it gets so server i burst. Which among other things leads to depression and social awkwardness.
Still i don't want to have other people to see my chinks. Only when I'm cornered would i admit it. But i guess i want people to corner me to get me to say it. Only subconsciously though, outwardly i want no one to know my problems. Depression is easier to me then telling people my problems.
Everyday i deal with other people with problems, the last thing they need is my problems along with it. So this is just me venting. Don't worry im not always depressed... to my knowledge. And you can always count on me to be positive outwardly. So dont worry yourself
Still i don't want to have other people to see my chinks. Only when I'm cornered would i admit it. But i guess i want people to corner me to get me to say it. Only subconsciously though, outwardly i want no one to know my problems. Depression is easier to me then telling people my problems.
Everyday i deal with other people with problems, the last thing they need is my problems along with it. So this is just me venting. Don't worry im not always depressed... to my knowledge. And you can always count on me to be positive outwardly. So dont worry yourself
Optimist
Its been a while since i have been positive about anything really. Battling bouts of depression and constant insecurities have really done a job on my mind. Surprisingly the cure was to become sick enough to be stuck at home for a couple of days.
Along with the help of my family and friends.
However when stuck at home with basically nothing to do (since my headaches made almost everything a burden) i lay down and thought. The thing is that it wasn't the annoyance at being sick or the pain of having a project due on Thursday (which is a group project so i sure as he** am gonna finish), but instead i realized how much the people around me cared about my well being.
My girlfriend called me all the time and continually worried about me. Witch was actually a good thing. Parents cared for me even with the risk of catching my cold, which would mess things up pretty badly. As well as my friends who demonstrated that they don't want me to "Die on us"...
Without the stress from school, i think my life will be a lot easier. Until then ill just have to count on the people who care about me.
Along with the help of my family and friends.
However when stuck at home with basically nothing to do (since my headaches made almost everything a burden) i lay down and thought. The thing is that it wasn't the annoyance at being sick or the pain of having a project due on Thursday (which is a group project so i sure as he** am gonna finish), but instead i realized how much the people around me cared about my well being.
My girlfriend called me all the time and continually worried about me. Witch was actually a good thing. Parents cared for me even with the risk of catching my cold, which would mess things up pretty badly. As well as my friends who demonstrated that they don't want me to "Die on us"...
Without the stress from school, i think my life will be a lot easier. Until then ill just have to count on the people who care about me.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Psychologist
Today i realized how fast peoples worlds can change. Its possible that one person will totally lose themselves when confronted with a problem. No matter how small everything is significant to a persons future.
The past and present are always fusing together becoming one. This allows people who pay attention to learn from the past. These are psychologist. They analyze the world through set ideals that most people follow.
My problem is that even if i can analyze someone, even offer advice i can't be what they need. When anyone has a problem they need a friend, lover, family, someone who can show compassion. Who will feel what that person is feeling.
I want to be able to help everyone but i have borders i can't cross. It hurts watching someone else suffer and not be able to do anything. So what no matter what i must find a way to help them move on to their future. Living in the past will only damages the future. But the easiest escape from the present is to jump back into the past.
The past and present are always fusing together becoming one. This allows people who pay attention to learn from the past. These are psychologist. They analyze the world through set ideals that most people follow.
My problem is that even if i can analyze someone, even offer advice i can't be what they need. When anyone has a problem they need a friend, lover, family, someone who can show compassion. Who will feel what that person is feeling.
I want to be able to help everyone but i have borders i can't cross. It hurts watching someone else suffer and not be able to do anything. So what no matter what i must find a way to help them move on to their future. Living in the past will only damages the future. But the easiest escape from the present is to jump back into the past.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Confused Friend
"Its Incomplete"Times in our live we find that we face a difficult situation. In my case it involves a good friend of mine. We have a history together, bittersweet sure. Still i can't deny that i do need to keep them as my friend. Its like I'm a puzzle and their a peace to it, just doesn't feel right without them there. I would do anything for them, but talking to me seems impossible.
Every time they try, something happens. Its like something is preventing them from being able to talk to me. Just like me they too are a puzzle, and I'm missing a lot of the pieces. In time those pieces will become available to me, and both of our puzzle completed. Maybe then everything might fall into place.
Stressed out Teenager
Today i had a field trip to the medical college. It offered a great display of the medical field, an incredible campus, and amazing student body. All in all it was a great place. Only problem was getting there took way to much time and effort
Idk why it bothers me since i didn't have much of a desire to sit in class anyway, but i could have been using that time for a more productive purpose. Public transportation is just not prepared to take a class of 38 students and 3 supervisors.
At least it gave me some time to think. I realized in the past months that i was depressed and starting to fall deeper into myself. Outwardly nothing changed but, inside i was crying for help. Still no matter how much i wanted someone to help me my inability to give other people my problems. Everyone is troubled by something, and they usually tell me for some reason. So i do my best to help them out. This apparently gives off the impression that i have no problems. Which is not even close to the truth.
Pressure from school drives me to the edge to get good grades. I have basically no self esteem, and an inferiority and superiority complex. Not to mention 1 of 4 sentences i speak have a lie somewhere in them.
And when everything starts to crumble i breakdown and just stop functioning. So from now on i plan to vent my frustrations out through this blog. And let the world see the mind of Todd Jones.
Idk why it bothers me since i didn't have much of a desire to sit in class anyway, but i could have been using that time for a more productive purpose. Public transportation is just not prepared to take a class of 38 students and 3 supervisors.
At least it gave me some time to think. I realized in the past months that i was depressed and starting to fall deeper into myself. Outwardly nothing changed but, inside i was crying for help. Still no matter how much i wanted someone to help me my inability to give other people my problems. Everyone is troubled by something, and they usually tell me for some reason. So i do my best to help them out. This apparently gives off the impression that i have no problems. Which is not even close to the truth.
Pressure from school drives me to the edge to get good grades. I have basically no self esteem, and an inferiority and superiority complex. Not to mention 1 of 4 sentences i speak have a lie somewhere in them.
And when everything starts to crumble i breakdown and just stop functioning. So from now on i plan to vent my frustrations out through this blog. And let the world see the mind of Todd Jones.
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